My love waits curiously in the shade beneath the big tree at the playground
yearning to feel the joy of the last monkey bar
Of the fast pursuit to the bottom of the slide
Of a new friend
To swing with
My heart waits in the tree’s shadow, fully-braced wondering what this is supposed to feel like
My love asks my heart,
“Why don’t we just go play?”
Quickly shot back
With a tongue snap
My heart reminds my love
That we are afraid - saying,
“If you want to go so bad
Then GO,
ESCAPE!
Just know you are breaking the last promise
I told you we made.”
My love goes back to hide in my heart.
My heart holds tight to my love
through this guise of keeping it safe
Every breath
it expects
Will erase a little bit of my shame
If I let myself down, at least I know I am to blame
My tears put the flame out again.
But this is my safe place
At least, these are the narratives that I’ve replayed.
It is not enough to be tamed when my heart is wild in its dynasty
My veins pump this blood
Violently
I mistake the dance between
A fear of being seen with the need to be free
For anxiety
-
I make friends with the tree
Gentle in the way that it speaks
A giant like me but so far from a beast
Doesn’t mind my need to breathe
lets me lean here to catch my breath
Gives me air
lets me rest
Gives me shade
shares its depth
Makes me know
It's trying its best
Calms me down
Makes me forget
Who
I am hiding from
Reminds me that it will be here
even if I want to go out and play
It will see me
Slide, and swing
I can look back
And, I’ll be okay
I can make a friend
That friend will have a name
I can tell the tree all about it when I come back again
My heart has a lifeline to learn from this tree
Innate ability to set me free
without judgement
Welcome me back with an invitation to hug
This is all my love is trying to be.
credits
from ZOETRY,
released April 21, 2022
written and performed by Zoey Pricelys Roy
music produced by Omar Obeatz Ballantyne
UK rapper and composer Oscar reconnects with his youth on a sleek, diaristic LP influenced by ’90s hip-hop and '00s R&B. Bandcamp New & Notable Apr 21, 2024